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The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
Apparently, when asked "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin` large ones" is not the correct answer.
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?