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I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
Iām pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!