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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
I’m the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
I`m actually kind of handsome when you`re drunk and the light is low and there are no other dudes around and you have low standards.