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I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
Procrastination comes to those who wait.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
The awkward moment when someone say "I gotta use the restroom.... Never mind."