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A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!