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I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
If you`re ever held at gun point, just remember, I`m behind you 100%.
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
Ever drink so much your wife makes sense? Me neither...But I keep trying
I have a black belt in leather
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.