Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.