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"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
Sex, do it for the kids.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.