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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”