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Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor`s trash so you don`t get robbed.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.