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life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.