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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
Nuclear physicists can be lots of fun. They`re often referred to as the half life of any party.
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.