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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
My Doctor says I`m a serious alcoholic, but I think I`m more of a funny alcoholic.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It`s pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."