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Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
Friend: Hey that`s a great truck. what kinda engine? Me: [rubbing the hood] it`s got a truck engine
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
The really cool thing about being a husband is having your mistakes constantly pointed out.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
Serving size ?? LMAO
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".