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Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
Velcro is a ripoff
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.