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my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don’t check their phone for 3 hours.
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?