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I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
Tip of the day: When the cop asks you if you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours, do NOT ask them for the time... trust me
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."