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Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they`re getting insulted or complimented daily.
More food should come with prizes inside it.
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
Don´t call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.