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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
That awkward moment when you imagine your own funeral...
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.