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Does the Food Network deliver?
This day needs more tomfoolery!
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should`ve considered.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
Is it weird that I`m 43 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and my dog?
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what