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Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.