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When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
If you ever hear me say that I missed you it`s only because I have bad aim.
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?