Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.