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Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
The only charities I`ve donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
Serving size ?? LMAO
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
God: Is there anything else you need Adam? Adam: yes I want a Sandwich! God: Ok let`s create eve.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?