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The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.