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I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
Tieam... problem solved
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you “I’m drunk” is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying “I’m delicious”