Daily Silly Status

The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff

Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.

For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...

Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?

Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.

You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."

I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.

Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.

Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``

I`ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.

If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.

I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.

I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.

To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!

Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.