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I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
awesome collection!
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.