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A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
A court date is still technically a date, right?
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".