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People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays every curse word I know.
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion