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I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
Spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
Safe words are for quitters.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
Ever drink so much your wife makes sense? Me neither...But I keep trying
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.