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I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but Iām going to be too busy sitting on mine
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.