Daily Silly Status

I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.

Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!

Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."

The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.

Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.

My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.

The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband

If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.

My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....

is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.

If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.

Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav

Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "

Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.

When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog like I`m a blackjack dealer...