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I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
The awkward moment when you look both ways down a one way street.
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
hilarious
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?