Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I`m going to drink tonight.
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops