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The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
When life gives you lemons... all you need is tequila (and salt).
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.