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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.