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Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
Your giving me the silent treatment??? FKN FINALLY!!
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P