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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.” ~Mario
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
Job interview `What is your biggest weakness?` `Honesty` `I don`t think honesty is a weakness` `I don`t give a flying *#(@ what you think!`
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.