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I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
If I ever go missing and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.