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Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
I`ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
I hate when the remote is way over there
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.