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A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
Get Dora and Boots on this missing plane case now, Dora solves the case everytime