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twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
Good for you, people that do things.
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.