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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!