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If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
AWESOME!