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A lot of people are very competitive when playing stupid.
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.