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Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
The police never think its as funny as I do.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.