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Whatever I did to make you hate me, I’d like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
The worst part of being an insomniac is having to eat spiders while I’m awake to maintain my yearly average.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?