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The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
Some of the best decisions I`ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.