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Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, “I’m not crazy!” and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!