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I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.