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I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
Dear Equifax hackers, Please delete my student loan balance, my medical bills and change my credit score to 850. Thanks.
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
You look like I need another drink
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.