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I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
You make me have filthy thoughts, and for that I thank you...
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
Personally, I think failure should be an option
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes