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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.
Don`t sell yourself short, in fact, don`t sell yourself at all. I`m pretty sure it`s illegal
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.