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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won`t ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."