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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
Whenever a little kid asks me to push him on the swing I remind him there are children his age in China making iPhones.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
I don`t think its a coincidence that "Sober" and "So bored" sound very much alike
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)