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trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
I’m sad when my food is over.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today
I fake my lol`s