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The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
Funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers, and 6 shots, go down like a fat kid on a see-saw.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
I self medicate, therefore you live.
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"