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I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about