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I wish my mind had a delete button.
Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
I yawn all day at work & school. But when it comes to at night, Iām not tired at all.
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
Office Tip: In a pinch a booger and a small piece of copy paper is as good as a post it note.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.