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People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
It takes balls to be a man.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
If he uses an iPhone 5 in Taken 3 he`s going to be spending half the movie charging it.
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…