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I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
I just slammed hard on the brakes and found 3 lighters, $4.67 in change, condom box, empty flask, half an 1/8th, and a puppy.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?