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I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
Office Tip: In a pinch a booger and a small piece of copy paper is as good as a post it note.
"That`s close enough..." ~Government worker
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)