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It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich?
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?