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In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers