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Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
Girls just wanna have funds.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.