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I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
With great power comes great electricity bill.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
I`m smiling, that alone should scare you.
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.