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I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.