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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
I drink to make other people interesting.
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
My sleep number is 100 proof.
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.