Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
I wish I was important enough for my nudes to get leaked.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan InglΓ©s
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.