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There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
My Doctor says I`m a serious alcoholic, but I think I`m more of a funny alcoholic.
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.