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I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
I wish I was important enough for my nudes to get leaked.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.