Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.