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Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
Care less and you’ll stress less.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care